Thursday, October 12, 2006

Were I Beelzebub

Thanks to semosmile for pointing me the way to Hell. Here is my own version of Perdition...

Update: I have...edited my list of the damned. Behold...

Mike Matisow, The New York Yankees, PETA Members, Ted Turner, Phil Helmuth, Democrats
Circle I Limbo

Senator Byrd, Militant Vegans, Barbara Streisand, Al Franken
Circle II Whirling in a Dark & Stormy Wind

Cynthia McKinney, Harry Reid, John Murtha, Chuck Shumer
Circle III Mud, Rain, Cold, Hail & Snow

Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, The San Jose Sharks
Circle IV Rolling Weights

Bill Clinton, Oakland Raider Fans
Circle V Stuck in Mud, Mangled

River Styx

Nanci Pelosi, Osama bin Laden, Dennis Rader
Circle VI Buried for Eternity

River Phlegyas

John Kerry, Ted Kennedy, Tim Parry
Circle VII Burning Sands

Hugo Chavez, LBJ, Hillary Rodham Clinton, NAMBLA Members
Circle IIX Immersed in Excrement

Uday Hussein, Qusay Hussein, Saddam Hussein, marc with a c, Kim Jung Il
Circle IX Frozen in Ice

Design your own hell

22 comments:

The Monarchist said...

Samuel,

Oh, man, is that a classic!

-AH

Samuel Adams said...

I don't know what's funnier, that Ahmadinejad and Raders fans share a ring or that Bill and Hillary aren't immersed in excrement.

Sebosmile said...

Lol, men and their sports teams. :eye roll:

Liked your hell very much, aside from the total lack of toasty Planned Parenthood emplyees. ;)

Samuel Adams said...

Ah, excellent point. To answer it, one need only remember that animals do not go to hell.

Daniel Webster said...

Are reptilians part of the animal kingdom?

Say, why is attribution given to the Monarchist here, when this is obviously the handiwork of Mr. Adams? Just curious.

The Monarchist said...

DW,

It just happens like that. Some people get all the credit for other people's work.

Nah, I'm joshin'. Where was this attributed to me?

-AH

Daniel Webster said...

Ummm, well, actually it wasn't....sorry 'bout that. I musta been in some altered state of consciousness when I writ that, what with all the pain meds I been takin' lately.

My apologies, sir.

The Monarchist said...

No apologies necessary, brother. Is the realignment helping?

-AH

Samuel Adams said...

Okay, this is where I updated my hell list.

The Monarchist said...

Oh, I'm sick to my stomach from laughing. I'd sarcastically thank you, but I really did need that!

-AH

Call Me Mom said...

marc with a c and tim parry, very classic. lol I read marc with a c's blog and found it doused in the peculiar kind of logic I often hear from liberals. They seem unaware that they often express two completely opposing viewpoints in the same sentence. Things like "My taxes should be lower and we need to give more money to the school system".
On another note, the grace of God, prayers on our behalf, and the habits of living an upright life have combined to overcome our recent troubles with the local school. Although, I must admit that I did ask the Lord to teach the principal wisdom and it was not in a spirit of loving kindness.

Samuel Adams said...

Let me guess, as a result of your lack of lovingkindness, the Good Lord did not answer your prayer in the affirmative?

Call Me Mom said...

I believe the Lord is answering that prayer even as we blog. It was with a sincere desire to have a wise and discerning principal at my son's school that I offered that particular prayer. The fact that the Lord's lessons in wisdom are often unpleasant is beside the point, other than indicating to me that I have more work to do on my own character. Shame on me for taking the least little bit of pleasure in the thought of this school administration's discomfiture.
Indeed, as for answers to prayer on other aspects of this matter, I have, in hand, a letter from the principal clearing my child from any suspicion in the incident.

Samuel Adams said...

The LORD is indeed merciful, even with prayers that can only be described as petty.

One All Hallowes Eve many...moons ago, toward the end of the sunlit part of the day, I came down with a blinding headache (as I was wont in my youth). In agony--both for the pain I was in and at the prospect of missing out on the evening's festivities--I silently cried out to God for Him to deliver me by his bountiful mercy of this headache so that I could join my brothers in a purely selfish campaign for fun and candy.

And deliver me He did! No, I did not soon forget His Kindness, and I remember Him to this day for the smallest of pettitions and least worthy of attention.

Nobility of cause may certainly add volume to our prayers; but be sure, He hears all.

The Monarchist said...

Samuel and Mom,

Didn't you get the memo from Marc? Anyone who is literate knows that the Bible is a series of folk tales... or some gibberish like that.

He hears all. Samuel, AMEN to that, brother, you're sounding like AdT.

-AH

Daniel Webster said...

"Shame on me for taking the least little bit of pleasure in the thought of this school administration's discomfiture."

Mom, I've been outta the loop for awhile, so I don't have the foggiest what you're talking about, except in a general sense. But I will say this: whereas it's often customary for people of faith and conscience to encourage their conscience-guided brethren making such confessions of personal failings (which we're all guilty of to some degree or another), with encouraging words such as "don't be too hard on yourself..." and the like, I'm gonna resist the strong urge I feel to do that in this instance, and to instead say:

Keep it up, Mom! Keep on holding yourself to a higher standard of personal conduct. That little celestial spark of fire, called conscience, which is lighted in you was lighted by none other than your maker, and He it is that keeps it burning. Whether we pay heed to its instruction is up to us. And you know what they say, Mom: "conscience is the most sacred of all property."

But you know all this already, so I needn't say anymore, except....thanks!

Samuel Adams said...

Alexander,

I don't really sound like an annoying, high-pitched scream crossed with an incessant beeping as if I'm some kind of electronic harpee?

I joke, I kid, I tease. Thank you, my friend, that is one of the highest compliments I have ever received. To be like Misseur de Tocqueville is a high bar indeed.

Call Me Mom said...

Thank you Mr. Webster. The Lord has been presenting challenges to me on an almost daily basis this past month and more. I am trying to think of it as an intensive training program. My prayer is that I do what He requires of me in all circumstances. I am doing my best to keep a good attitude as well. It would do me absolutely no good to hear that I shouldn't be so hard on myself. There are pretty high stakes in most of these challenges so far and I have needed to be on my toes. I appreciate the encouragement.

Sebosmile said...

Well, I've never gotten how Marc with a C's father was one of the Iranian hostages... who still works for the cia... and the entire family HATES Reagan.

I actually STOPPED talking to him a few summers back, he got so horrible after the Gipper passed away.

And yet... THe way he's turned out, I can't really argue with you sending my ex-bf to Hell, lol.

Have you two crossed swords recently?

Samuel Adams said...

sebosmile,

You could say that...

http://americanfederalist.blogspot.com/2006/10/encounter-with-marxism.html

And, let me assure you, when you can look up and see Tim Parry, you've been a VERY bad boy indeed.

Samuel Adams said...

This is a pre-emptive message for marc with an x:

Look on the bright side, you could have been immersed in excrement.

Sebosmile said...

This still makes me laugh! (And at least SOMETHING is funny today, right? :sigh:)